on changing shape

becoming star stuff

once in a dream i became everything. i was at once the star and the sky and the cool night and the cloud, and myself staring up, and myself staring down.

i was old, and as a new as the moment. i was light travelling across spacetime.

i was all the universes. i was tiny.

it was easy actually to be everything because there was only size to be, the size and the weight of everything changing.

i was also terrified. a huge glob of terrified welled up in my chest, my throat, my eyes. underneath and top of it all.

i keep thinking about this dream and i keep thinking about this moment.

separately some time in the middle of the night i startle awake gasping at how to make sense of the world.

-moon creeping across the sky whispering brightness.

-the latch of the gate that settled strangely.

-worries: some combination of remembering the kids dentist appointments, whet…